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  • Marjorie Borell

The Job Search

At last, it’s federal payback time

Collecting unemployment is truly sublime

Something I worked long and hard to achieve,

And now that’s it’s here, I want it never to leave.


Even though it’s my taxes that I’m getting back

It comes with time to replace the job I now lack

Yet I admit I’m enjoying my new slacker-hood

And wouldn’t dare change it, even if I could.


But there is one real threat to my idyll existence

And that would be, to my great insistence,

An inopportune, yet serious job offer

That could quickly deplete my entire benefits coffer


An interview? God forbid I become a new hire

That must be avoided ‘til all my benefits expire

So I’ve hatched a plan to ensure that doesn’t happen

To extend my new lifestyle of Netflix and nappin’


My experience includes admin and customer service

And real estate sales which really made me nervous

Yet whatever the field I choose to pursue

I must make sure to blow the interview

So here is my strategy for not getting hired

And demonstrate clearly why I always get fired


For an admin positon, I’ll channel dimwitted Miss Wiggins

Her example I’ll follow as the process begins

I’ll wear a skirt so tight I can barely walk

And file my nails while I let HR talk

Check my teeth in the mirror and give my hair a scrunch

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